So, it’s the end of the year and as I have just fed Freya and she’s drifted off to sleep I sit there looking at her, thinking, ‘Why was I so scared?’ It’s crazy that something in life can be thrown at you, feel like you’re going through the worst time of your life questioning every little thing you do or say, thinking you’ll never come out the other end, when in actual fact different doesn’t have to be scary. Now I’m not saying that when you are thrown such a curve ball in life that you shouldn’t overreact or freak out at prospects, I’m saying things do get better with time and healing. If I read this when I had Freya back in March, I wouldn’t have believed this was me talking.
Reading my first blog entry makes me so emotional to the point of tears rolling down my face. This is only because it’s sad that I felt the way I did giving birth to Freya with no idea that she would happen to have Downs Syndrome. I look at her now and I even forget she has Downs Syndrome. It is amazing how far we have come and grown as a family unit.
If anything, this year has taught me a lot. Don’t over think things, its never as bad as you think. Take time with hurdles, cry, laugh, talk, scream, shout go crazy but get back to being you. Do what you have to do to make you, forget people’s opinions it doesn’t matter. Take things day by day.
This past year I feel so proud of where we are now as a family. Never in a million years would I imagine where we are today. We have had amazing support from family and friends! This year for us has been bitter sweet. We gained our beautiful baby girl who is just so amazing with so much strength, but it has been the biggest challenge we have faced with her diagnosis. We have all been through so much with her from the start, being taken away from 4 hours after having her to neonatal, multiple hospital admissions with bronchitis, major heart surgery and then causing herself to have a cardiac arrest to which we are very lucky she is with us today, thank goodness for the amazing team in Southampton on E1 ward… Sometimes I do still feel envy with other mums with your ‘typical’ ‘perfect’ baby that doesn’t need additional needs but I’m so grateful for Freya, to us she is perfect. Perfect is what makes you happy not everyone else. There has been some mums that have lost their babies and there was one in particular that had messaged me for support, he sadly lost his life not so long ago and that really got to me even though I hadn’t met her but I felt so upset for her. Things like that just bring everything in to perspective. Cherish what you have, you never know what tomorrow will bring.
Next year is an upwards journey continuing with Freya’s brilliant progress with feeding, growing and developing. We have also got a year of WEDDING planning to do as Darren and I booked in for our big day!! So, something great to look forward to and prepare for!!
I suppose this blog entry is just a reminder and message to anyone, despite if you have or are going through a diagnosis of your baby having Downs Syndrome or even just going through a shitty time, is to just keep doing what you’re doing, don’t worry about anything else just work on you. Like Mrs Potts from Beauty and the Beast said, ‘Things will be alright in the end, you’ll see.’ (yes I’m a big fan of that film, original though not the new one 😉 )
Anyway, I hope 2018 brings lots of brilliant happy memories and health your way!!! As always, I appreciate everyone’s support since I have begun blogging and sharing Freya’s life with you all. Keep sharing and I hope that I can help ease other parents minds with the same diagnosis and show you that Downs Syndrome isn’t something to be scared of because they may seem a little different to others, to me it means nothing, my baby girl is just Freya that’s her, nothing more nothing less. She is amazing.
Much love as always! Stay safe and look forward to sharing Freya’s journey in 2018!!