Mending a broken heart…

Just thought I would post a blog pre-op, about Freya and our focus on her having her heart op. So, as it stands she has a ASD (Atrial Septal Defect) and a VSD (Ventricular Septal Defect) holes in her heart at a moderate to large size. Again, how these were missed in my antenatal scans I don’t understand. We had a set back with her being admitted again to hospital with a respiratory chest infection and her first appointment for surgery being cancelled due to this.

I had psyched myself up, planned every hour/day in my head with where Harry would be whilst we were with Freya in hospital having her observations done pre-op to make sure she was ready to go. Mum had planned to come down the day she was having it to help with Harry and Darren’s’ mum had taken that day off and was having Harry the night before so we weren’t rushing about getting him to hers then to be at the hospital ready to see Freya go down. I replayed it over and over again in my head visualising seeing Freya be put to sleep for the op and saying bye to her. That hurts the most because I have all these thoughts going through my mind, negative ones again. What if she doesn’t make it through it? How can they operate on someone so tiny and her heart being so small? I know she needs this op because she keeps catching these chest infections which makes more pressure on her breathing and being told she will then thrive afterwards helps with the negativity in my mind. I know she won’t remember it when she is older but it is us that is going through seeing her go through it all. It truly makes me well up at the thought of that moment we have to say bye to see her go down to theatre and my anxiety will be rocket high that day.

She had a review Thursday just gone in regard to her heart. There is still no change in the holes and pressure. We got a new date for her surgery, 21st July so we got about 11 days to go! Time to psyche myself up again and hope she doesn’t go downhill and have to be cancelled.

She’s also got her chest infection again. Saturday her breathing was heavy and her cough was still not any better from since she was discharged over a week ago.  So off to hospital I took her and they monitored her temperature, as this was high, and went down to have a chest x-ray where I got to fashion the lovely shield, where I was then asked if I was pregnant in which my answer was ‘no I’m just fat’ plus it’s only been 3 months I’m not that eager to jump in there again! So yes she’s back on antibiotics, so we are hoping she gets this out the way and when it’s time for her surgery she will be at her peak of health!

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